This morning my daughter, Natasha, and I got up early so that we could visit the locally owned donut shop. It is a “hole in the wall”.
The donuts are small and not too sweet. * The coffee and hot chocolate are hot. Sections of the current newspaper lay over all the tables. The owners and employees are always happy to see us. And everything is well worn, but comfortable. Last but not least it is inexpensive.
My darling daughter has Combined (Inattentive and Hyperactive) ADHD. And therefore she does her homework in the morning when she is on medication. Homework just isn’t possible to do when she is off medication. So we ate donuts and she did her reading homework.
While listening to her read I was thinking about a recent encounter at church. I was still angry about it.
I ran into someone at church Wednesday night who didn’t understand that ADHD is a mental disorder. ADHD isn’t a character defect. A child cannot just made it go away by trying harder. And yes it can be very serious.
We go to church Wednesday nights for Natasha’s choir practice. But before practice there is a short service that I attend.
My daughter on the other hand doesn’t attend this service anymore. She is almost 9 years old. Her body and her brain are her responsibilities. If she feels herself becoming deregulated she needs to communicate this to me and remove herself from the situation. Or she needs to avoid the situation.
I don’t mean to say that I have given up parenting her. I help her avoid situations that will trigger her issues. I guide her available choices and decisions. Occasionally I will override her decision. For example she needed to leave a party early because she was turning into the human ping-pong ball.
With experience she has learned to avoid the Wednesday chapel service. It doesn’t turn out well for her (frustrated, angry, little embarrassed). There is no way that I am going to override this decision.
But I want to attend this Wednesday service. So she goes to the family room with the toys and books. I go to the service.
Another mother noticed that Natasha wasn’t attending the service and asked why not. I told her that Natasha has ADHD and cannot handle it. Well, I should have just kept my mouth shut because I got a short lecture about how I was letting my daughter get away with behaving badly. And now my daughter knows that she can use her ADHD as an excuse. I should crack the whip and just make my daughter behavior corrrectly.
I just stared and stared. I didn’t know how to reply to this…….. so I didn’t reply.
This morning as I was reading and eating donuts with my daughter I decided to stop being angry. I was like a duck and let it slide off my back.
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* I don’t know about you, but I have gotten tired of the extra large donuts that have enough sugar to drop an elephant. My opinion, a donut isn’t supposed to be half of your daily calories.